I remember seeing this ad in a doctor’s office sometime during the holidays in a doctor’s office. I’m snickering just thinking about it. My younger, more juvenile self thought the same thing my older, still juvenile self thinks about this vintage Eighties pitch for People magazine.

You just know Santa Claus has to take breaks on such a hectic night shoveling cookies, milk and other leftover goodies on his global mission to spread love, cheer and, of course, toys. At some point during the night, if not more than one, you have to figure ol’ Saint Nick has to relieve himself. I mean, all that compression of his bulk down one chimney after another worldwide has to do a number on his bowels. He’s not as lucky as his reindeer, who can simply drop bombs in mid-flight and keep on charging.

Thank God for People magazine, so Santa has something to read on those necessary emergency unloads! I mean, is that a kneel or a suggestive squat from Santa in this ad? You be the judge.

Sidebar, what fun if you were alive at the time to spot old famous faces on these issues of People from the celebrity circuit back then, like Willie Nelson, John Davidson and the bodacious divas from Dallas. Victoria Principal alone would’ve had me taking a trip to the bathroom, but for different reasons than dropping a deuce.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.