I was sooooo on the fence about Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, especially with so many Godzilla fans crying foul over his sidekick role. Being a big fan as y’all know, I pushed myself to go with the kiddo but for the first time, I didn’t G-gear up for it.

So much of this thing is cringeworthy. Zero the emotional impact of Minus One (long may it reign as the definitive Godzilla movie). Not even on the same level as the very good Monarch series on Apple TV. However, GxK is no dumber than all which preceded Shin Godzilla and the 2014 American Godzilla (two high amidst the upper echelon) kicking off the entire MonsterVerse series. Humans begone from this film with its rotten story, flagrant lack of continuity and just let the Kaiju kick ass. 

On the latter level, I got my money’s worth, since the monster mash is the reason to show up. Godzilla may be relegated to Kong, or as I called him, Optimus Primal Kong, but when the moments count, they COUNT. Hilarious seeing the Big G curled like a cat inside the Roman Coliseum. See it on the biggest screen and loudest sound system, leave your brain in the cup holder and you’ll have a fun time.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.

I may be driving TJ out of her skull with Godzilla shenanigans, but not only did she push me to buy this hilarious car decal, she insisted on mounting in there herself, giggling the entire time. Good wife!

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.

Now see, my eight-year-old self would’ve been in euphoria if I would’ve seen this picture. My then-favorite band and Godzilla, circa 1978.

Squeeeeeeeee!

Photo courtesy of the public domain

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.

So I did a thing yesterday. Longtime readers of Roads Lesser Traveled will remember an older post on this topic.

As a kid, my two favorite toys ever were the Star Wars 1978 Death Star playset which I managed to replace a year ago. The other was a 1977 Godzilla from Mattel’s Shogun Warriors line.

I had one of the mecha bot warriors to square off against that classic Godzilla. Both could launch their fists. Godzilla had plastic fire breath you activated with a lever behind his head. The Shogun Warrior fired missiles from his boobies, lol.

Not quite the same as the old days, buuuuuut…

You just know as a kid, I often played cross genre and staged their epic brawls in the vicinity of my Death Star, which of course meant Godzilla got to mash it up. Not even Vader had enough dark side Force to stop Godzilla!

I thought about getting that replaced lately as well until Godzilla: Minus One drove the collector market out of its mind with asking prices of a grand to $1,800.00. Lo, comes along a half-sized replica of my beloved Godzilla toy from Super7 and their Shogun Ultimates line.

TJ is being such a good sport with all this Godzilla chicanery I am putting her through, but I got this at an absolute steal, and it does all that the original does except roll on its feet. I am beyond nerdy content.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.

I used to have a quasi-phobia of drowning that hung around until my early twenties. Funny enough, it never stopped me from swimming, diving into water and especially hangng in the Atlantic Ocean for hours at a time. Even when my parents took me to see Jaws in 1977 at the Edmondson Drive-In near Baltimore, Maryland. I’d slept in the back seat through some of it, but what I caught wouldn’t leave me for life.

Today, I am still found in the ocean with my kid, who can’t get enough of it himself. I love water and the undine elementals always call to me in contest with the earthen gnomes already captivating me whenever we’re hiking. Water calms me, moreover, it soothes me. I’m at peace next to a body of water. I laugh at my younger self, since I’d foolishly cheated death climbing mountains without ropes during my college years and would’ve fallen to my death once had there not been a branch within reach to save me.

Water is a safe haven for me these days, since I’m not on a commercial freighter facing down the raging tempests they do. However, within the span of a few months, I’ve seen two of the most terrifying images from pop culture I’ve seen in ages, both lurking from the depths of the unknown.

I’m talking about Godzilla’s petrifying glare of vengeance from the fathoms in Godzilla: Minus One and also from last week’s release of Batman # 143, part two of an abbreviated three-part interlude story, “Joker: Year One.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Clown Prince of Crime so damned frightening.

Comic fans, however, have been absolutely geeking about the page which follows this horrific image. The next one bearing a gaunt, naked and beyond creepy Joker striking a garish Jesus pose sure to unsettle comic geeks and non. I have only been reading Wonder Woman, Catwoman and Justice League vs. Godzilla vs. Kong from DC these days, but as a longtime Batfan who’s taken a break due to the gross (and expensive) saturation of the character by the imprint, these images have already scarred me for my remaining days.

I’m still trying to decide if the undines are equally mortified or pleased as hell.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.