Empathy.

It’s the one thing most human beings lack or perhaps forget, considering our species is intrinsically wired for self-preservation.

This can also be self-awareness and self-nurture depending on one’s confidence level or coping capacity. Yet the separation line for most is how hard we cling to our protective measures, our defense mechanisms, our pure wherewithal, while forgetting we are not alone nor utterly unique in our journeys nor experiences. No matter how profound in a positive or negative fashion. There are others going through similar and dissimilar maneuvers, and others begging in silence for a reach out. Or at least passage without scrutiny.

The “me” factor, or rather, “not me” dimension to our decision-making process often leads us to turn a blind eye to others less fortunate, those more impacted by consequences we feel we’ve circumstantially risen above. We often fail to see the elderly, the infirm, the destitute, the less skilled, the addicted, the guilt-wracked, the depressed, the lonely, the suicidal. All because we’re so absorbed by our own microcosms.

Now I’m not here to soapbox by any means. Society has gotten more complicated, more rushed and more inundated, hyper focused upon things carrying gravity as well as all the minutiae making modern life more tedious instead of convenient. We get so bogged down by all which stacks upon our daily dos we often miss those quietly (or outwardly) suffering. It’s called turning the blind eye to others, be it their misfortunes or their good deeds. We’re all guilty of it to some latitude.

It’s when humans condemn that which we see only on the surface without taking into account there’s always another side to the story or there are parts of the story missing, period. Fragments of intimate (private, even) information purposefully untold by the aggrieved or the aggravated. People on the outside looking for a little bit of understanding, maybe a little respect if their actions warrant it. Above all, people looking for nothing more than a sense of common etiquette.

Alternative electro-rockers Depeche Mode released one of the most profound songs of their venerated careers in 1993, “Walking in My Shoes” from their masterwork Songs of Faith and Devotion (my favorite of theirs from an all-time favorite band who have dropped one vital recording after another). For me, no song better illustrates the complexities of human empathy and a barren absence of decorum which “morality would frown upon” and “decency look down upon.”

“You’ll stumble in my footsteps,” David Gahan chants solemnly with the gorgeous archangel piping of Martin Gore behind him. “Keep the same appointments I kept, if you try walking in my shoes.” Gahan goes further to posit he’s not looking for absolution nor forgiveness for a life filled with mistakes and debauchery, turning the tables on those “judge and jurors” coming to conclusions with his heart-wrenching rebuttal “my intentions couldn’t have been purer, my case is easy to see.”

In other words, empathy equates to dignity, which is as pure as can be.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.