I tripped over this really cool shot someone from the Shore Leave event organizers took of me manning TJ’s space at Shore Leave at the Friday night “Meet the Pros” event that weekend. I can tell you exactly what was tumbling around my head here:

I’d interviewed more than 300 bands, artists, actors, film directors and authors in my 16 years covering the things I loved. Many being royalty of their respective genres. I just got used to talking to people of success in the entertainment world, except I hadn’t had any opportunities to cover sci-fi then. I was often backstage and on tour buses. I had film directors get so caught in the moment talking to me they asked me to wait around until they took their next appointed interviewer, THEN came back to me for a second round. I’d talked to many guitarists, singers and drummers who just opened up to me for three-hour chats. One even asked to collab with me for a biography and we generated six hours of footage until the artist torpedoed the idea.

All of that, and I’m still geeking here in this photo, landing the people with the names of renowned authors and marveling my wife and I started 25 years ago writing Darth Maul of Star Wars fan fiction together, a few of our first publication credits. We supported each other, cheered each other on. On our first date later in life, she reeled off the names of established and successful writers in the Star Trek and sci-fi-fantasy genre and I said “Wait, you know WHO?” I jokingly told her she’d trumped my entire side career.

Two years prior at another Shore Leave, she’d introduced me to whole lot of them, mostly in passing. I was the new, uncertain guy in her life, though I knew after our first date this was meant to be. I got a better read and fix on these popular authors this year and at the point of this picture, I’d told TJ, “Go see your friends, I’ve got this.” I’m smiling watching her talk to every single one of them and enjoying the camaraderie they shared with her and with each other.

As the night wore on, I got to know many of them myself in the hotel bar, then the second night, hanging in this circle of writer friends, I soaked the moment. It felt different than all the bands I’ve bro’ed down with, the directors who shared their own backstage magic with me, so to speak. All the incredible conversations I had with them, and I fell into that rhythm, engaging with the authors and always keeping to my credo, whether it was Alice Cooper, Rob Zombie, Mick Garris or an-up-comer. They’re all people too, just like you and me. Conduct yourself accordingly.

I believe when this shot was taken, I’d been approached warmly by two of the authors I now consider my friends as well, particularly the physical tokens of goodwill we’d shared with one another. They’d honored my off-the-cuff mentions or offers of trade, and I assure you, I got the better end of the deal, to quote one of them who’d used that of himself with humility, which gained my further respect.

I thought to myself, “Ray, you lucky bastard, you got the woman you need to finish this life with. You’ve been at this whole writing thing most of your life and FINALLY momentum is happening with your fiction.” Many of these people before you, you were reading years ago, some more recently. This is a tribe to aspire to.

I’m in a rebrand and rebuild mode, or a “new mode,” as Kudi Cudi sings about. I lost a sizable and loving audience who followed my career in journalism. At one point in time, I was writing for 13 simultaneous magazines and websites. I covered 8-10 concerts a month. I slept very little, turning in copy under deadline at 4:30 to 5:00 a.m., then back up at 8:00 a.m. for the day job. That haunted me last night watching the Jim Henson documentary. A man of passion, genius and outrageous drive, dying at 53 chasing after it all with little rest. I know better than that these days.

I did it for the thrill, for the love, because I wanted to matter, and I did. Hopefully I will yet again. Attending the panels and workshops at Shore Leave, I learned from some of the masters. Later, threw back some drinks with the masters.

My face here in this shot is the most hopeful thing I’ve seen anyone capture from me.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.