Yeah, y’all know I’m just a wee bit Godzilla obsessed. My wife has all but threatened to ditch me if I bring another thing into our with Godzilla’s likeness, barring his ongoing comic book carnage, simultaneously being blasted from three publishers: IDW, Marvel and DC. Being the smartass I am, I have a well-stuffed folder on my laptop dedicated specifically to Godzilla still photos, film poster art, memes and digital G-Man geekery. Somehow, I dodged a bullet a week ago when I had a print of the Shin Godzilla 4K theatrical re-release poster show up at my door for my future new office. What can I say? It’s even more badass than Shin’s original. You be the judge.

Now, King Green currently sits on 38 total movies released through seven decades. He’s about to hit the forty mark with a sequel to Toho’s runaway masterpiece, Godzilla: Minus One, which is beginning shooting as of this writing, and the next American Monsterverse pair-off, Godzilla x Kong: Supernova. There’s no sign of quit in the Godzilla marketing machine, as the phrase “kaiju” has become something no longer a butt-end sneeze joke. Of course, the first Pacific Rim and the re-sparked interest in kaiju offshoot Gamera has had a hand in the genre’s rising popularity.

For me, a Godzilla film has been about therapy, usually on a bad day at the office or so much adulting coming at me all at once where I need to see the G-Man or another titan-sized monster breaking shit up. In my former marriage, my ex and our son knew to clear the room whenever I took over the living room with a Godzilla DVD in my hand.

To be labeled a Godzilla purist has its gray area, depending on where your sentiments in his depiction lies. Avenging scourge of the Earth, whose atomic baptism elevated him to supreme godhood where even Superman loses scrums against him (check out the two Justice League vs. Godzilla vs. Kong miniseries from DC to see what I mean)? A global protector from alien forces or outrageous ass-hattery from earthbound megalomaniacs?

Some folks prefer Godzilla silly, i.e. the 1960s and 70s section of films, referred to by aficionados as “The Showa Era,” Showa referencing the acting emperor of Japan during the films’ releases. Subsequently, you had the Heisei and Reiwa eras between Godzilla’s Millennium and American eras. The Showa era Godzilla films are what most folks cue to mind, as in the man in the rubber suit bitch-slapping the tar out of cardboard and plastic model cities and toy trucks and tanks. Some of the best of those being Godzilla vs. Gigan, Mothra vs. Godzilla, Destroy All Monsters, Godzilla vs. Hedorah (aka the Smog Monster), Terror of Mechagodzilla and of course, the 1954 granddaddy which launched the entire franchise, the O.G. Godzilla: King of the Monsters. Let’s not forget Rodan’s solo raid and G-Man’s hysterical and sometimes cringeworthy brawl against Kong the first time, 1962’s King Kong vs. Godzilla. The latter having a special place in my heart for Kong’s outrageous stuffing of the tree down his nemesis’ throat.

Enough of the history lesson, because I’ll vie to match the comprehensiveness of Graham Skipper, whose Godzilla: The Official Guide to the King of the Monsters is sitting here at my elbow as I write this. A Godzilla bible you can trust, even if it already stands to be updated.

By contrast, you have the Godzilla fanatics who prefer him as a pure monster. Terrifying. Mankind’s ultimate folly (sing along with me if you know the Blue Oyster Cult classic), a metropolis-razing due penalty from Mother Earth herself, sending her nearly indestructible champion to ram humanity’s nuclear obsession up its deserving asses.

This is the Godzilla I subscribe to. I prefer him scary, alarming, the ultimate horror. I don’t mind him aiding humans against obtuse kaiju operating on full rage, but I want to see Godzilla’s rage so insufferable even Zeus would say, “Well, Goddamn!” Better to see Godzilla at full tilt, screaming for vengeance and watching industrious private citizens work, not so much in conjunction with a frequently depicted limp noodle military, but utilizing their skills to save their people before Godzilla can leave them an apocalyptic fecal smear.

Thus, here are my top five picks from seventy years’ worth of Godzilla madness. Don’t worry, the 1998 American Godzilla didn’t make the cut. Minilla is preferable to that shit. Would that I could’ve landed Godzilla 1984, Godzilla vs. Mothra (1992), Godzilla vs. Biollante, Godzilla vs. Megalon, even the dumber-than-dirt-but-utterly-rad Tokyo S.O.S., but this was no easy task paring it down. Well, it was, kinda. The only fight in my mind coming at the five spot.

One: Godzilla: Minus One: Until we see what’s yet to come, specifically Takashi Yamazaki’s upcoming sequel to his own masterpiece, this is the G.O.A.T, of all Godzilla films. The story itself outshines the monster and Godzilla is holy shitballs in Minus One, as you can see by this stupendous Jaws homage. Set in post-World War II, this is a dramatic tale of a pacifist kamikaze pilot fighting his PTSD in the midst of his nuclear-shelled country trying to rebuild. Only to have God-freaking-zilla show up and stomp them back into the rubble. This is the best-acted film of the entire Godzilla canon, Ryunosuke Kamiki’s gut-tearing scream back at Godzilla alone. Here, and two other films are where you actually cheer for the humans. Minus One tosses some familiar homages to the original film and outdoes everything. This is the current benchmark. Prove me wrong.

Two: Godzilla: King of the Monsters (1954): Sure, Ray Harryhausen’s iconic claymation of the titular monster in Beast from 20,000 Fathoms a year prior outshines his kaiju counterparts in the East. Considering most fright flicks from the 1950s (collectively known as the “Atomic Age” of horror) were grandiose colossi which primitive science of the times could barely explain, 1954’s Godzilla was a more bareknuckle, raw experience. For the times, these effects (which Toho ran country miles with into the new millennium) were captivating. It was also the first time you cheered for the humans (I prefer the original Japanese cut pared of Raymond Burr, whose at-time clumsy scenes were inserted for the American release) in the wake of such decisive wreckage. First contact with Godzilla, the ultimate terror.

Three: Shin Godzilla: The most controversial Godzilla film for reasons having nothing to do with Audrey Timmons’ babyish tantrums and a mutated T-Rex poser, Shin Godzilla is also one of fans’ most celebrated picks. This is the first film to explore Godzilla in pupa stage on his way to a butt-ugly, ruthless harbinger of destruction. I’ve gotten over the challenging first fifteen minutes after eight viewings (including the film’s 4K theatrical reissue I went to last month) and savored the acting and Hideaki Anno’s shrewd camera framing. His Tokyo is full splendor, his butt-scratching bureaucrats a complete disaster and it’s up to a geek squad and a hottie Japanese-American ambassador to save the day. Meanwhile, Godzilla’s full evolution is the scariest damned thing I’ve ever seen in a kaiju story. His leveling of the city is unprecedented and truly guttural. Those laser scales, mock them if you want; we’re totally effed as a planet if such a thing ever comes to pass.

Four: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack: You’ve said a mouthful there, Toho! For my money, this (and my fifth pick) are the greatest kaiju-on-kaiju smackdowns ever conceived, and don’t forget their subterranean co-star in this one, Baragon! What could’ve been one of the dumbest ploys in Godzilla history actually works, thanks to the consistent action and relentless destruction. Intended as a direct sequel to the original film (this one came out in 2001) Godzilla this time is possessed by the souls of those who perished during the Pacific War. The pallor of Godzilla’s ghostly white eyes is unnerving enough. Director Shusuke Kaneko had the good sense to make Godzilla a ferocious heel. With all he put into this one, I suppose he deserved a protracted title.

Five: Godzilla: Final Wars: Only the IDW comics could shove more action per capita than 2004’s Final Wars. As much of a misnomer in title as Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter, this was intended, at the time, the close the book on King Green on his fiftieth birthday and man, does it go all-out! Mashing kaiju with blasters-out sci-fi with not too horrible a premise of aliens (called “Xiliens” here) possessing the Earth’s kaiju into a global rampage, this sets the film up for a bigger free-for-all than 1968’s Destroy All Monsters. Final Wars maximizes every frame of this lunatic film to entertain you with Godzilla’s rogue’s gallery coming out to play: Rodan, Anguirius, Kamacuras, King Caesar, Kumonga, Ebirah, Hedorah with a totally epic brawl between Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Mothra and Gigan. Yeah, Minilla pops in, but whatever. The CGI rendition of the 1998 American Godzilla and what Toho does to him is to be seen to be believed.

Now, my runners-up:

Runner-up 1: Godzilla (2014): All sins of American past were forgiven with this reboot of Godzilla, now marked as a foundation to the Monsterverse or Monarch or MUTO era, as in Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organisms. While many fans cried foul the star of the show only clocked in eight minutes of legwork, this Godzilla is a masterclass in suspense and when Gareth Edwards lets our boy loose in the limelight, it frigging counts. Sometimes minimalism spawns a greater reward, and each time Godzilla pops into frame, he’s beastly. Adopting a role of savior in this one as he squares off against two MUTOs who look like polished off prototypes from Cloverfield, Godzilla eventually crushes them with such majesty we are treated to the iconic tearing apart of the second MUTO’s jowls and blasting his indefensible atomic breath down the gullet for an explosive demise. Just sick. This is only the third film in the entire legacy where I rooted for the humans, this time with Godzilla.

Runner-up 2: Godzilla vs. Destroyah: The Heisei era of Godzilla (spanning 1984 to 1995) is lauded by most vets as his absolute finest. Booting out the abysmal Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla from 1994, the crown jewel of this period came a year later. Destroyah being one of the most ingenious kaiju concepts ever. Numerous components birthed by a failed recreation of original Godzilla’s oxygen destroyer (hence, Destroyah) wreck havoc singly before uniting together as one horrid, memorable villain. Meanwhile, Godzilla is combusting inside with a prolonged death, his throne to be assumed by “Little Godzilla.” Aka Godzilla Junior, this one is far less obnoxious than Minilla, in his bumbling position to be accepted by his parent. The action in this one makes Little Godzilla forgivable.

–Ray Van Horn, Jr.